TALKING ABOUT PROFUSION OF THOUGHTS-FEB 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

TALKING ABOUT PROFUSION OF THOUGHTS-FEB 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

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please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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...For most part..I am blessed or shall we say cursed with this thing that i choose to call "Profusion of thoughts " accompanied by "Complication of the thought process" ...So , when i attempt to type in stuff that is there inside my head at a very given point of time..I still have to type it all out so fast-I stop caring about punctuation or editing..coz all i am worried about is to get all the thoughts from inside of my head onto the keyboard in all of their intact-ness..Gosh!!

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

When I read this part of email to him I realized that I do try to type at the same speed as my thought process,thus ending up typing at 90-100 words per minute - and also, in the process of doing so, I end up JUMPING ALPHABETS or making typos.

hmmmm.I have often noted that people have a hard time reading my MESSENGER CHAT REPLIES to them

First off,

....they are long....

and on the other side of the chat convo, the person is wondering "did she just type all of that in the 30 seconds after i sent her a reply?whoa" LOL

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About TWITTER,TUMBLR AND years blurring together-October 26, 2010-EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS--LETTERS TO MR.U

About TWITTER,TUMBLR AND years blurring together-October 26, 2010-EMAILING MR.U AFTER TWO YEARS--LETTERS TO MR.U

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please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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first off , no tumblr posts from you,,no way to connect...hmmmm...sigh..hence this email..just had to do it

i hardly care..i need to ramble somewhere..what better place than here..I know i will feel even more silly and stupid after i hit "send" on this mail.but hey ...whatever

hmmmmm..I feel like a loser at this point..totally..totally hopelessly depressed..all my own doing..me and my complicated stupid mind.seriously.

btw..I don't do twitter anymore..I left it in aug

I should have left it last december...waited almost till this august to do it...seriously

from 2007 to 2010..suddenly 3 years pass me by..nothing accomplished...suddenly i feel like i wasted three years in a blink

seriously..

questioning my own sanity now

hmmmmm

btw..

No harm in being alone till you find the right one

I am holding on to doing that till as long as it takes

..but see..seriously...i meet up with the most emotionally manipulative twisted people and then after having let go of mediocre but not so bad people..i then go try to be with the most bad(dest) peeps..seriously..and then i feel like kicking myself

END OF RAMBLE

say something on tumblr...will make me happy.

I don't do twitter..not going to check on it either..so ofcourse...tumblr it is going to be..k?

hugs

I hate myself at this point..I am such a loser.seriously...i need a pick up essay from you..something that will inspire me

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

i think THIS LETTER IS MY LAST loooooog email to him..I don't think i have emailed him any more...

wait a min,,maybe i sent him a private message on TUMBLR...sometime in july of this year,2012...and that is it...hmmmmmmm..

I STILL twitter or tumblr from time to time, when the mood strikes me...but mostly, I would rather , do something, to PREVENT THE YEARS FROM BLURRING TOGETHER INTO ONE BIG BLUR...as of now, I feel, all years from 2003 to 2012, have BLURRED INTO ONE BIG BLUR

Cutely, A YEAR after this, he writes something about the years from him being 28-32 have BLURRED together into one big learning experience..LOL..again, either HE IS INTERNALIZING everything i email him or WE BOTH ARE SO SIMILAR that we think and talk alike...or he is PLAGIARIZING..lol...ANYWAYS...so, that is it.

About time running,pep talks-August 2008--LETTERS TO MR.U

About time running,pep talks-August 2008--LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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gosh

Okay.

Well, You doing okay?

I am kinda 'down' myself..So, not really pepped up enough to pep somebody else up.

But I am gonna still try..coz i feel obligated to do so.

sometimes i look at the past six months and suddenly start thinking.."How on earth did I spend the last six months doing absolutely nothing?"

Well..I just did nothing and it baffles me that six months can pass me by like that..Infact, I feel that six years..No no, fifteen years passed me by ..makes me sad for myself.

Maybe I am just plain lazy

..HMmm.Ofcourse , i did end up doing medschool in these past fifteen years and all that jazz..but i would have liked to do it a different way.

I would have still done med school but would have dealt with all the gossip and drama in a very smart way.Directness doesn't work really well with everyone.

Also,,perhaps people just cannot stop themselves from being bad when they are jealous and if i am a being subject to being targeted by people who are jealous of me, dealing with it strongly is what i must do.

hmmmm...I have no idea why I write these emails to you.I have no no no idea why..

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

it is funny to note how i start off the email with a GOSH, rather than dear this and dear that..LOL...WE BOTH HAVE NO TIME FOR PLEASANTARIES..lol, cute,Also, reading all those emails that I WROTE him back them, I am still wondering, why i write SUCH LOOONG EMAILS to him so much..I MEAN, I am A LONG EMAIL WRITER always to everyone,,so yeah, writing LOONNNNG emails is part of my writer personality..so yeah.maybe that is why

ABOUT SHARING YOUTUBE VIDEOS WITH HIM-February 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

ABOUT SHARING YOUTUBE VIDEOS WITH HIM-February 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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hmmmm.....In the last year..i sent you a total of around XXX full fledged mails hereXXXXX

I then also sent some random messages to you on XXXX

I shared some weird videos every other day on yoooouuuuuu tooooooobe with you

The thing is...the few lines that i wrote accompanying each of my shared videos..I don't have a copy of them...yet..those spontaneous lines quickly typed in that space when i shared each of those videos were so heartfelt and i dont have a copy of them...Awwww

( have this innate need to retain a copy of all communication i have ever sent to anyone in the written word...

I sure have yelled at people over the phone ,all full of emotional meaning every single word i shouted into the mouthpiece..yet those words are all gone without a record..that is a whole other issue..I ramble ..i ramble..and XXXXXXX...gosh..anyways)

I also left a few weird comments for you for your XXXX ...they look silly to me now.I can' recollect why i wrote those comments even...

yeah....so coming back to that actual point..I did all this with no idea if any of these mails or messages or comments XXXXXXXXX....and now i feel like i am this silly delusional person ...who writes letters to some one who is constantly changing and perhaps is not even the person i initially set out to make a personal connection with...

The saddest part is...i dont have a copy of my youtube messages that i sent you ...those oneliners were charged with sincerity and my sponataneous charm..(yeah i believe that i am the most charming when i write in sentences just out of the blue onto the keyboard with no prethought of sentences)

The point of my letter was

I need a copy of the stupid youuuuuu toooobe one liners that i sent you

I need a hug

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

for SOME REASON in 2012, when i sit here and read all those long emails i wrote him in 2008, I GET TIRED.

no seriously, the one thing i don't have a record of , amongst all my communication to him are the youtube comments and the MESSAGES that I sent along while sharing videos with him.Those messages were like LITTLE LOVE NOTES that i used to send to him along with those videos that i used to share with him almost everyday in 2007.:(((.i am sure he has them somewhere (or NOT) BUT i like keeping tabs on all notes,emails, letters, etc etc that i send to any given person..i even date and file them in folders..LOL...and so, these missing copies of those lil notes are like missing pieces of my puzzle picture.

anyways, SIGH, moving on .sometimes you have to let go of this need to STORE EVERYTHING for my personal private scrapbook.

speaking of keeping personal scrapbooks,MR.U has the SAME EXACT HABIT...of saving emails,photos,love notes,messages,tweets and such in folders and FILES..We are "obsess freaks" like that.BOTH OF US.same ,same.

About old bf,how I googled him,his blogs,-August 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About old bf,how I googled him,his blogs,-August 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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hmmmm.Thenn ofcourse, this then boyfriend of mine..gosh(..I am not sure what this guy was , he was this guy who was partly the boyfriend and partly the guy i took six years to finally get away from even though i knew it on the third date that he was not my cup of tea-I did write about him in my last email to you

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i looked you up on xxxx..And from there i come to your website and there is tons and tons of blog entries. and the blog entries on your xxxxxx..I think the blog entries are what did it..They hooked me up to you..Made me believe that i know you as a person with these ideas..Ideas that were so similar in some ways to mine.

So yeah...Anyways..Why am i rambling all this at this time?

I don't know...I heard xxxxxx yesterday and the first memories came flooding.

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

GOSh, I WRITE so much in my EMAILS TO HIM,,no? i keep flitting back and forth between med school,old memories, him, me and everything else..

This is one reason , I AM SHARING ALL MY PERSONAL MAIL with all of you blog readers..

Given that I AM SUCH A PRIVATE PERSON,sharing my personal mail is in a sense breaching my own privacy..

but then, the content of those emails was so SHARE-WORTHY..

I thought, all readers, could read, imbibe the IDEAS and benefit from them in some way and in the process, UNDERSTAND A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ME AS A PERSON as well.

jUST SHARING a little bit of me with you, is all

About my turn to pep talk him,fairweather friends,rumor-mongers--August 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About my turn to pep talk him,fairweather friends,rumor-mongers--August 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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heya xxxx,
Absolutely good line of talking with the xxxxx..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
Seriously,
xxxxx, You are one of the few people who is actually talented in xxxxxxx.There are a lot of others there, who try to hang out with and milk money out of an association with you.

I am not going to name names, but there are a lot of people who come to you pretending to be your friend coz you make money due to your talent..These befrienders don't even really care for the talent,All they care now is that the talent is making real money

xxxxxx, YOu are smart, you are talented and you are unique.That is all that matters..A lot of frustrated people in this world gossip as an escape from their own mess in their lives.
Do not care no matter how outrageous the rumors are.

The gossipmongers really gossip coz they want to silence the noise in their own heads with rumors about people other than themselves.
Do not even care to respond to any rumors.
You are strong .You are true.That is all that matters..Hugs and much love and much appreciation for your personality.
I know it is hard to ignore the outrageous rumors that gets spiced up by the minute.
This kind of gossipmongering happens at all levels..work places, colleges, high school and even med school.Trust me.
I have gone through unnecessary targeting all coz i won't be friends with people i don't like Ya know..I used to spend nights worrying about what the latest rumor is..
Now I know that It is not worth it

Let them gossip all they want.

Deep inside inspite of all the trash talking, each one of them knows what a lowlife they themselves are.

So, there is no need to clarify anything.
Much love from me to you.
Stay strong, don't change. and let them gossip all they want.

AT the end of it ,,they don't matter

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!

WOW, I JUST READ THIS OLD EMAIL AND REALIZE "what a GREAT pep talker i am "

If THAT pep talk didn't MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER back then, then I don't know what else could!

hmmmmmmm...it is nice to be there for each other in this BIG , BAD WORLD..no? which is why , I always say, we both make each other FEEL LESS ALONE in this world of gossipers and vultures.thankee boo...kiss and hugs for existing.

About me being lazy,about pennies in canals,and rambling in general and my sister--August 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

About me being lazy,about pennies in canals,and rambling in general and my sister--August 2008-LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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So yeah...Anyways..Why am i rambling all this at this time?

I don't know...I heard xxxxxx yesterday and the first memories came flooding.

The sad part is, I personally feel that the past two years,, i haven't completed anything i planned to complete and accomplish.Seriously,I think i am lazy and i take my own anxiety too seriously

I need to suck it up and ignore the anxiety and pain and move on..but no, i have to play the bad things nasty poeple say and do and play it over and over in my head and waste my time

LIke my sister says, "people are bad.Dont expect too much from them.that way you don't get angry when they are nasty.that way you are at peace"

So, yeah..Now that i am rambling, let me ramble some more..I once dropped a penny in one of those water canals at the xxxx park in xxxxx,.Trust me, I don't believe in all this wishing pond thingies, nor do i believe in all this zodiac predictions thingy either..

but still..It was fun dropping a penny in those water canals along with all the lil kiddies that were doing so.Maybe they were wishing for a bike the coming christmas or some such..I was so serious with my wish..The wish never came true so far..well..It didnt because i am lazy.

It is like saying, " I wish i get my drivers license" and then never go appear for the drivers test...Ya know.

I gotta do my part too , right

?

just incase you start guessing, " did she want a driver's license? " No , No, that was not what i wished for..Anways..gosh..

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

Reading those emails i wrote him back in 2008, i suddenly realize, i FROZE certain memories for posterity by emailing about them to him...good.

I am happy i opened up enough and shared enough with him,We have that comfort level and trust level too and more than anything , given that me and him are so similar, WE GET EACH OTHER...AWWW.

About his OLDER BLOG ENTRIES-March 2008--LETTERS TO MR.U

About his OLDER BLOG ENTRIES-March 2008--LETTERS TO MR.U

===========================

please note: that publishing someone else's emails,letters,journals,personal pics,videos WITHOUT THEIR PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION is a LEGAL OFFENCE...( even if just on blogs or even if it is just redistribution to third parties via email, facebook and other such social media), (even if the aforementioned materials were shared with you by the writer or actual owner themselves).Please take WRITTEN PERMISSION from all parties involved prior to publishing such content.

Please also note that here in these blogs I am only posting EXCERPTS from MY OWN EMAILS to someone else WHOSE IDENTITY remains HIDDEN .No actual personally identifiable information about this other person has been revealed by me in these blogs all in an attempt to protect their privacy and mine as well.

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EXCERPT FROM THE EMAIL

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Hey XXXXX,

I so wanted to go back and read some of your older blog entries.I did go to yourXXXXXX and read all of your oldest blog entries.I actually took some time to post comments on 10 or 12 blog entries, just for the fun of it.aaaah,the fun of posting comments on very old blog entries..Also ,wanted to read your older blog entries on XXXXXX ..but then, you have already deleted all of them ...

I was looking forXXXXXXXXXXXX AND XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

btw.It was far too impulsive of you to just go ahead and delete all older blog entries.Those blog entries kinda chronically record all the changes in you as a person and personality .

Those blog entries were the ones that made me like you and know you as a person.

The above mentioned two blog entries in specific were the ones that made me like you and made me want to come back and check on your blog from time to time.

yeah ,ofcourse..you don't need to bother anymore about people misunderstanding that you smoke..coz i guess..you have started smoking cigars anyway...LOL..yeah..God bless your liver..you started drinking whisky too..LOL...How cool..people change over time.hmmmmmm

hmmmmm

So..perhaps you could just go ahead and make all your older blog entries available once again XXXXXXX to anyone who perhaps is checking out your XXXXX for the very first time.

Looks like I am starting to succeed to wean myself off you ..Not absolutely positively sure about that ,but i think the obsession has come down quite a bit ..thanks to you :((

laters

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MY 2012 POSTNOTE for the blog!!!

SADLY, THIS WAS THE TIME IN 2008, AROUND WHICH HE ACTUALLY STARTED DRINKING ON A REGULAR BASIS.:((.

HE STARTED DRINKING alcohol for the first time sometime in 2006 I think.

He NEVER DRANK prior to that.

The reason why I was attracted to him to begin with,in 2003 was the FACT THAT HE NEVER DRANK-JUST LIKE ME.

BUT THEN, over the years, he has changed and has become just like all the others.

ANYWAYS, sigh, MOVING ON ...truly moving on.

One thing I am VERY PROUD of in my life

I was just reading this fellow surgeon's blog and suddenly it occured
to me, much like it occurs and causes me to tear up at the oddest of
times and places THAT THE ONE THING I AM VERY PROUD OF IN MY LIFE IS
THAT I AM A DOCTOR-very very very very proud of that fact..very
proud(can I reiterate any further?)
I am pretty sure I would have been very upset had I not MANAGED TO get
into med school..NO really,, I would have been a very depressed woman
all my life had I not gotten into med school.
:)))Now I am a happy doctor woman :)))))))..very happy.
Tags:pride,doctor