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Sunday, August 24, 2014

DISTURBING DREAM JOURNALS-PART 1-kissing cousin

I dreamed this dream sometime in 2005...and i felt do disturbed that i dreamed of such a thing..

Before i start describing the dream,I want to give a quick prelude story.

I have a male cousin-a paternal cousin..

he is just a few months apart from me in his birthday.

needless, me and him always ended up being playmates as kids because were both of nearly the same age...

we would meet up during family vacations or family visits and WOULD EXPLORE OUR NEIGHBORHOOD or play games together..

and WE BECAME BEST FRIENDS OVER TIME..

and honestly, on a conscious level, we were brother and sister.

COUSINS ARE NOT REALLY BROTHER AND SISTER, but they are genetically brother and sister in the fact that cousins share genetic material ..

there are a lot of cultures where historically cousin marriages was an accepable trend too.

however, as a doctor, I PERSONALLY frown upon cousin marriages because such marriages and children born out of such cousin marriages stand the danger of expressive genetic disorders which wouldn't have otherwise gotten expressed except ofcourse that in a cousin marriage a certain element of genetic inbreeding has occured.

so, yeah, TECHNICALLY AND SOCIALLY SPEAKING in our community, a cousin is like your brother or sister...

YOU CANNOT MARRY YOUR OWN COUSIN ..

and yes, all through childhood and even during teen years and college...WE WERE ALWAYS BEST FRIENDS..

we were intellectually compatible and we were emotionally compatible

and we always kept in touch, via email or messenger or text..

and in 2005, both of us had just graduated..and we happened to talk a lot over messenger almost everyday during that period..

great camaraderie and in a way great mutual attraction to each other i suppose.

MIND YOU, we never cross the line, sexually or romantically EVER, EVER, EVEN SO FAR...

but we talked and shared a lot platonically..

and one day, i woke up in the morning in a VERY DISTURBED STATED OF MIND,

BECAUSE

because,

I DREAMED A KISS

A STRANGE HOUSE , A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, A HOUSE I NEVER RECALL HAVING SEEN BEFORE EXCEPT IN THIS DREAM.

AND IN THIS DREAM,MY COUSIN AND I, we kissed each other on the lips...

AND IN THE DREAM, I SEEMED TO BE STRANGELY SATISFIED WITH THE KISS, SO WAS HE..



and coming to think of it, probably a day or two before that dream happened, we probably were discussing something about sex and his friend and masturbation and other such..

it was a very open discussion, much like any other discussion we both usually have about any given subject...

and then DAYS LATER, i dream this..



IT WAS DISTURBING FOR ME..to know that somewhere inside my head, THERE IS A SUBCONSCIOUS SEXUAL DESIRE TO THIS WHOLE DYNAMIC WITH HIM.

but, I FELT SO DIRTY THAT I DREAMED THIS..

i felt so ashamed.

IT WAS ONLY A DREAM

but more so, i felt upset..

HOW COULD I !

HOW COULD I DREAM THIS WAY...

i have commited a blasphemous act, i felt



AND that was in 2005...and now in 2014, finally i have the courage to WRITE OUT THIS DREAM JOURNAL..

coz, i have to let it out...

IT WAS JUST A DREAM..but still, I KISSED HIM..

thankfully , he is just a cousin and not an actual sibling..coz, had i dreamed of kiissing siblings that WOULD HAVE MORTIFIED ME ..SERIOUSLY!

in these past many years, I ALWAYS THINK OF THIS DREAM AND TRY TO WONDER WHY I ACTUALLY DREAMED IT..

WHY OH WHY!

actually, i also remember one other conversat ion i had with him, much before i dreamed this dream where i was telling him, that when i have kids of my own, they will call him :" uncle" and he for some reason insisted that he is technically not really a brother..

HMM,,STRANGE THINGS THE BRAIN REGISTERS OVER A PERIOD OF TIME, a sequence of events and incidents and one day, IT DUMPS IT ON YOUR SOUL, In the form of a very DISTURBING DREAM.

BLEH!

tags: journals, Journal_blog, dream_journal, disturbing_dreams,kissing_cousins, cousin_marriages,genetic_inbreeding

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